Επίσης ο τίτλος του ιστότοπου είναι εκνευριστικά προφητικός.

Looking back, it all went to shit two years ago, way before you even left.
It all went to shit the moment you told me you would go.
It all went to shit when I broke down in tears in front of you.

When the happy, relaxed - relaxing even - guy that you used to worship and dream about, think about, decided to just give up and die. I may not be that unhappy anymore, but there's not a single part of me that doesn't think that we could have done so much more if you had stayed. Nothing would've gone wrong. I would fix you. I would give it my best shot to fix you. If you had waited for me, I'd go with you. Eventually. Where did the love go? Where's the happiness? Where's the part of you that needed me so much it hurts? Why do I need you so much still? Where did I go wrong? What did I do to let all this go to shit?



How did I go from being your god to being your dog?



I read your posts every now and then. The old ones. I am trying to remember who you were, maybe it'd give me hints about who I was. Maybe I'm holding onto the past way too much. Maybe I'm afraid to do anything because I'm afraid I'll break again. Or that I'll break you. I don't want to break you. All I want is to travel back to 2010 and meet you all over again from scratch. All I want is to be born again and have all the pain and regret ripped out of me and still have my pleasant memories of you so I can meet you and feel like I felt back then. It won't ever happen. Part of me fears that I'll never see you again. I might actually never see you again. I can't quite pinpoint where I went wrong. I pushed too hard. I got pushy. I do that. I choke the people I love because I'm afraid they'll leave me. I used to have a way with words, but now I have shit. I used to be able to write properly, but now I write like shit. I used to have an organised mind for the little while when you were sleeping next to me and I would wake up to see your face, but now that's all gone.



I am tired and alone and nothing will bring you back. Nothing will bring us back. I need to write down my fears because that's the only way they'll die. I need to write down my fears because that's really the only way I can face them right now without breaking anything.


And I'm glad that I can do it here, because you won't ever see it and I won't make you unhappy ever again. You loved me before you even had me. Now I can't imagine feeling anything like that for anybody else. I don't want to. You were the chosen one. You still are. You always will be.You're an angel. You're a saint. You're Mother Teresa. You're Elvis. You're god.


And you most definitely met me at a really weird part of my life.